


Wishing Remus Was Here to Do This

by almondjoyz



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Harry Potter Next Generation, Post War, Post-War, Romance, The Quidditch Pitch: Eternity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-20
Updated: 2009-05-20
Packaged: 2018-10-27 11:36:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10808262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almondjoyz/pseuds/almondjoyz
Summary: Harry's given a task he wishes Remus was there for.





	Wishing Remus Was Here to Do This

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** I was asking for prompts, and [](http://tqpannie.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://tqpannie.livejournal.com/)**tqpannie**  gave me _"Pairing: Harry/Ginny, Subject: Ginny telling Harry he needs to give Teddy the talk, Prompt: Oranges."_ I hope this meets your satisfaction, Annie!

"Harry?"

Ginny had walked into the study where Harry was reading a report from the ministry.

"Hmm?" he answered, not bothering to look up at her.

"Um, have you talked to Ted?" Her voice sounded odd, but he still didn’t look up.

"Well, yeah, Gin. I always talk to him." He furrowed his brow as he read a sentence that didn’t please him in the least.

"Goof, not a general talk."

Harry looked up as she crossed the room and sat on the corner of the desk, right on the papers he was reading. He tried to tug them away from under her, but she put her hand down and stopped him.

"What?"

He was getting irritated with her evasiveness.

" _The_ talk."

"What?"

"Harry, how old is he?" Ginny lifted his chin and looked him in the eye.

"I dunno…thirteen?"

She nodded and ruffled his hair.

"Yeah. So what sort of talk do you think he needs to have?"

Silence answered her, Harry obviously understanding her meaning.

"Harry? Yoo hoo, Harry!" she said with a lilt in her voice while she snapped her fingers in front of his eyes.

"Already? You’re kidding!"

_I’m not even thirty-one. I shouldn’t be talking to anyone about that for years. Damn, I wish Remus was here._

"No. I was getting the laundry ready and noticed he had some extra pants and pyjamas in there."

"Oh Merlin." _Wet dreams, dirty pyjamas, what’s next?_ "Can you do it?"

"NO! You’re his godfather, you wimp!" she teased, giving him a swat on the arm.

"Well, Andromeda—"

"Is out of town until next month on her honeymoon and he looks up to you like an older brother."

"What am I supposed to say to him? It’s not like anyone ever told me anything when I was thirteen."

Harry shuddered at the idea of talking about sex with his uncle Vernon.

"Harry…think! He just needs to know that he’s normal, that things are changing."

He looked at his wife, hoping beyond hope that she would take this dreadful task from him. Putting on his best smile and pouting just a bit, he said, "So why can’t you do it?"

"Harry Potter! You killed Voldemort and you're scared to talk about sex with him? Shit Harry, grow some balls."

"You like my balls. Without them, we wouldn’t have our three beautiful children." He pouted at her, hoping to make her smile and forget the task at hand.

"Shut up! I can’t talk to him. He had a crush on me last year. Do you really think the object of his affection talking to him about the facts of life is a good idea?"

Harry very nearly laughed at the memory of Ginny finding a note that Teddy had written to her, full of declarations of his undying love.

"Fuck."

"Well, you’ll have to tell him to wait to do that." Ginny leaned over and placed a light kiss on his lips. "Now be a brave Gryffindor and do this honourable deed. Do it for Remus."

"Ha ha. Fine. Where is he?"

Harry hated to admit it, but it was the bit about doing it for Remus that convinced him to talk to the boy.

"Outside with James and Al." She took his hand and pulled him to his feet. "Just think, it'll give you practice for when you have to talk to the boys."

_Oh joy._

* * *

  
Harry walked into the back garden and found Teddy holding court with James and Albus. His godson had his wand out and levitated an orange, which rotated and peeled itself, the skin coming off in on long curlicue.

"Teddy?" he asked in his most serious, grown up tone.

"Ted, Harry. It’s just Ted."

Harry didn't like the fact that he'd dropped the name that Remus had given him. It also reminded Harry that the little boy he helped raise was becoming a young man.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. Um, have you got a moment? I need to talk to you about something."

He saw Ted deflate in front of him and both James and Al began to whine.

"But I was showing them this neat trick I learned at school."

"Ted, this is important. James, Albus, go inside and help your mum in the mud room."

"Dad! That’s not fair! We were having fun!" James said in the whiney voice that Harry found very irritating.

"You can have fun helping your mother with the laundry. Now go."

The two boys got up from the grass, grudgingly complaining the entire time, making their way inside the house.

"What do you need, Harry?" Ted asked, picking up the orange peel and putting it aside. Not bothering to look at Harry, he pulled off a section and shoved it in his mouth.

"Well, let’s go in the kitchen for this. Ginny knows to leave us alone."

With a heavy sigh and another orange segment in his mouth, Ted got up and followed Harry inside the bright, homey kitchen.

"Sounds serious," Ted said as he fell onto one of the padded Windsor chairs around the table.

"Well, it sort of is. Rather, it’s important we get this out."

Harry sat on the chair closest to the boy, and leaned forward on his forearms, trying to collect his thoughts for the conversation ahead.

"What’d I do?" Teddy asked, appalled at the idea that he may have done something wrong and not known about it.

"No, you didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t worry."

"Then what’s the big deal?" Another slice of orange went into his mouth and he carelessly chewed it.

"Well, you’re growing up." _Good God, that was lame._

"Yeah."

"And you’ve probably noticed some things happening to your body."

"Uh, yeah," Teddy answered, his tone non-committal, making Harry feel even more anxious.

"And I just wanted to talk to you about some of those changes."

Teddy groaned. "Ah hell, Harry. You’re talking about sex, aren’t you?" The orange was now abandoned on the shiny table, the subject of puberty apparently taking away his appetite.

"Well, yeah. I don’t want you to have to learn about things the way I did." One corner of Harry's mouth curled up as he remembered learning about kissing through practical experience, and discovering the wonderful world of womanly charms through hands on practice.

"What do you mean?"

Harry cleared his throat and tried to dismiss the thoughts of how he found out how soft the skin of Ginny's inner thigh actually was for the first time.

"My aunt and uncle never talked to me about this sort of thing. I had to learn it all from my friends and a lot of what they said was…unreliable."

"Oh." Teddy's head sunk and he took an uncharacteristic interest in his fingernails.

"So, uh, Ginny noticed that you had some extra laundry."

Teddy groaned again and put his hand on his face, doing his best to hide. His hair changed from blue to the darkest black, signifying his utter mortification. "Uh, yeah…I had some, er, well at night…"

"That’s normal, Ted. It’s healthy and nothing to be ashamed of. Every bloke goes through it."

Harry remembered his own first wet dreams at Hogwarts. First, it was a faceless, nameless girl. Then it became Hermione, which completely made him feel like a pervert, along with making him physically sick. Cho was the next object of those fantasies, followed by Luna, of all people, as well as Lavender, Parvati and Hannah Abbott, in one combination or another. But the best dreams, in Harry's opinion, were those that started shortly after his sixth year began, specifically after he and Ron discovered Ginny and Dean behind that tapestry. The beast inside him thoroughly enjoyed the scenarios that featured him and Ginny in various states of undress and differing levels of debauchery. Once the two of them got together, cold morning showers became the norm.

"I know. But I dream about…about…women," the boy answered in a soft voice.

Harry could tell he was embarrassed about them and he wanted to make his godson feel comfortable.

"Yeah. That usually goes with the territory." He was prepared to share a dream or two with Teddy and share in the embarrassment, but Ted beat him, cutting him off.

"I mean…women. Women I know..." The tone of Teddy's voice gave him away.

"Ginny?" _Don't really blame you on that one, mate. She's a looker!_

"I’m sorry! I feel bad enough about it! Please don’t tell her!" His eyes were wide and his hair changed again to a canary yellow, which reminded Harry of the canaries Hermione set on Ron all those years ago.

"Hey, don’t worry about that. This is just you and me here." There was no way in HELL he was going to tell anyone that his godson was having dreams about his wife.

"You have to know that I’d never…" Ted began, sounding more and more nervous all the time.

"I know. But you know her and see her all the time." Harry took a deep breath and continued, "And it's okay, too. It's just your hormones going into overdrive. Anyone else?"

"Well, there is one girl that I think about a lot, too. But I don’t know what to do about that." Teddy's hair changed again, to one that highly resembled that of Harry's oldest niece.

"Yeah? Who?"

"Vickie," Teddy answered so softly that Harry could barely hear the answer.

"Pardon? Didn’t catch that." Of course, Harry knew exactly to whom he was referring. Even at their young age, the attraction was obvious. Even though they didn't express that interest like Ron and Hermione did, the two of them just seemed more…pleasant when they were together.

"Vickie…Victoire." Ted shot up from his chair and began pacing around the room. "Merlin, she’s all I think about sometimes. And I feel like a pervert, too. She’s only twelve, Harry! And before you go on about the Veela thing, let me tell you that she doesn’t pull that shi—stuff on the blokes at school. She really has a handle on it but she just makes me feel…"

"Like there’s a beast in your chest begging to come out every time she’s around?" Memories of his own beast came fondly to mind and Harry couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face.

"Yes!" Ted stopped and leaned against the refrigerator, his own stupid smile claiming his face.

"You haven’t done anything to her, have you?"

Bill's daughter was, Harry had to admit, the perfect combination of her mother and father. In short, the girl was beautiful.

"No! You think I’m stupid enough to do anything to Bill’s girl? "

That particular comment was spot on. While Harry trusted Ted and knew he would never act on his impulses at this young an age, Bill was perhaps the epitome of the over-protective father, something Harry hoped to emulate himself when Lily was a bit older.

Ted continued, "He scares me, Harry. He might not change into a werewolf, but that temper of his is like when Ginny gets all pissy."

"Don’t remind me." Ginny had the Prewett temper, much like her mother and Bill. "Anyway, the dreams are normal…just don’t act on them. Yet."

"I know. But, er, I sometimes…in the shower…I…" Ted's face reddened and his hair turned colour, back to the black of embarrassment.

"You wank?" The boy cringed at the word. Harry wondered if, perhaps, he should have used the word 'masturbate' instead. "Ted, it’s okay, really."

He sat back down on the chair he had vacated and put his hands on the table, drumming his fingers on the top nervously. "But I heard that…things can happen if you do that too much."

Harry rolled his eyes. He couldn't believe that old wives' tale was still going on. But then, as he thought about it, in the Wizarding world, it really didn't surprise him. They weren't exactly up on current medical fact.

"That’s not true. Really. If it were, Ron would need thicker glasses than me." The two of them shared a chuckle and Harry watched the hair change to a lovely shade of lavender, one Harry was sure Tonks would have liked. "So what else have you heard?"

Ted fidgeted in his seat and bit his bottom lip, visibly trying to form into words what he was thinking about. "My friends told me that a girl can’t get pregnant…if she doesn’t have a…if she doesn't…"

"Have an orgasm?" Teddy nodded his head and looked away from his godfather. "That’s not true, either. And they _can_ get pregnant their first time, too. It all depends on the timing."

Ted sighed and replied, "I’d heard that they couldn't." Silence spilled between them for numerous seconds. He suddenly burst out with, "So what’s it like?"

"Sex?" Harry hadn't expected that one. His mind began scrambling as far as what to say to him.

"Yeah. I mean, you have kids. You’ve done it," he answered with more enthusiasm than Harry thought was necessary.

"Of course, I have."

"Can’t you tell me what it’s like?"

Harry loved Teddy like a son, but the boy needed to learn some manners as far as what was appropriate to discuss and what was not. He took a deep breath and seized the moment.

"That’s private, Ted, between me and Ginny." Disappointment washed over Teddy's face. "And that’s one thing a gentleman doesn’t talk about—what he’s done with a girl. It’s not something to brag about. You don’t do it just to prove that you can. It’s personal thing between two people, and when it’s right, it can become the most beautiful thing in the world."

"But what if I don’t want beautiful? What if I just wanna have sex?" came Ted's eager answer.

_Merlin, he's such a typical teenager._

"Ted, that’s something you have to decide. But you should know that making love with a girl just because you can, or she lets you, only invites trouble. Use your head and remember how you were raised. You’re a good kid, Ted, you’ll know when the time is right."

Both of them visibly relaxed, easing the tension in the room considerably.

"Well, I don’t think I’ll be jumping the next girl I see, Harry. Girls are kinda…squeally these days." Ted smiled and shook his head.

"Yeah, I remember." Somehow, the image of a fourteen-year-old Lavender Brown kept coming to mind.

"Thanks, Harry," Ted began, giving Harry a quick punch on the shoulder. "I don’t think Gran would’ve been all that great to talk to ‘bout this. Kingsley, either."

"Well, I hope I haven’t scarred you for life," Harry answered, relieved to have this conversation over.

"Nah, you did good, Harry. Thanks." Ted stood up and walked behind Harry, placing an arm around his godfather's neck and giving it a little a squeeze.

"Anytime, Ted. Anytime," he answered, silently wishing that Ted had said those words to his father.


End file.
